my chicago friends might know that my trans status is as yet not out at school and work... i tend to present andro-femme and use my name given at birth...

first day of class:

"im going to pass around a sheet and i want all of you to put your preferred names and email addresses next to your first and last names..."

sheet came to me. i panicked. i could barely spell the name i was given at birth. i couldn't do it. few strokes and it was done. i felt like i had betrayed myself.

second day of class:

"im sorry, i lost the sheet i sent around last class... this time i promise not to lose it so fill in your..."

this time, again i started feeling anxious. i decided i wouldnt betray myself again. printing one capital letter at a time, i carefully spelled out 'ARDHANA'...  it felt magical...

i wish every teacher did this! what a surprise that my conservative (two time bush voter) teacher who is very much into debating ideas, would be concious of such a thing. i realize now that he used only last names until the sheet was handed around in order to be trans-positive.

i still haven't been called on by my first name, but it will be an interesting feeling...

other surprises:

went out with hbsoul, m, and a friend of theirs, a, who i've met a few times with my name given at birth.  we went to dinner in chinatown, m's treat.  i was dressed andro-femme, no makeup or wig.  i've not formally come out to a, like i've had to with so many other people, but whatever happened made it not necessary. 

i dont know if m had a talk with him on the car ride over, or whether a figured things out himself, but a corrected himself on pronoun usage.  either way, it meant a lot to me.  its been a while since i've heard someone do it without my having to 'explain' why. 

either people just get it and almost never fuck up, or they keep fucking up over and over again, usually till i 'explain', i dont think anybody has corrected themselves without my having to say something.

aasha.